Scripps, it’s time we had The Talk. You’re 18 years old (or is it 85? I never can seem to keep straight whether I’m talking to first-years or to the college as an institution...). You’re a mature women’s college and I know you’ve done quite a bit of growing these past few years. Those new elm trees are still a bit awkward, I know. And I’m sure you’re not enjoying the cramps as students flow through your beautifully-manicured campus, with their cravings for Writing Centers and Student Unions making you feel like your insides are all moving around. Growing up is a process. It’s all part of being a vibrant young women’s college, I swear. You’ve even started recognizing your not-entirely-female student body as such, shifting your pronoun usage on official documents and diplomas. I’m proud of you, Scripps. You’ve shown great maturity, and I’m proud to have adopted you. We all are.
Setting aside my conceit of addressing the college as a body, I’d like to address you, dear reader. Let’s face it: Scripps is obsessed with sex. Defining Scripps as a “women’s college” requires us to constantly confront what it means to be a woman. And what it means to be a woman attending college. And what it means to interact with fellow college students who may or may not also be attending a women’s college. It means, in short, that we are always thinking about sex. Sex in gender identities, sex in platonic interactions, sex in non-platonic interactions, sex in our more *ahem* private actions...
I’m no prude. And I don’t want you to be one either. Let’s talk about sex. Openly. (And by “openly” I mean, of course, using catchy pseudonyms so nobody gets embarrassed.)
I’m sure you have some questions for me. Sexual questions. Sex is messy. Often literally. And it helps to have someone out there to write to, someone who’ll give you honest, factually-grounded advice.
I am that someone. I, your Slutty Health Expert, am your sounding board for any sexual issues you’d like addressed.
It’s my pleasure—nay, my duty—to address your sexual questions. Long distance relationship stressing you out? Sadly single? Happily hooking up? Feminist? Slut? Prude? Queefy? Just...sexually confused? Tell your Slutty Health Expert about it. I want to know what Scripps students want to know about sex. I want to know what the community at large wants to know from a sexually- empowered Scripps woman.
Gender or verb, when it comes to sex, your Slutty Health Expert is book-smart on both. (And somewhat street-smart. Believe it or not, the Slutty Health Expert is something of a slut. Hence the pseudonym.)
From the bottom of my Slutty, Healthy, Sexy Scrippsie heart, welcome to my sex column.
I LOVE YOU. -SHE
Scripps Box #797 (no stamp required for intercampus mail!)
(SHE encourages you to make the subject “SEXXX” or something. SHE also promises to ignore the email address from which your sexy emails are sent and assume everyone’s writing on behalf of their sexually- awkward friends)