Scripps College Problem #29

By Earnest Eleanor, Staff Satirist

As we near the end of the first month of our spring semester, professors seem to be under the impression that it is now acceptable to pile on the readings, essays and projects. Fortunately, last week Claremont was forgiving enough give us a few days of sunshine amid an intolerable workload. Unfortunately, our sunshine-filled days seem to have subsided.

Hence my surprise when my leisurely stroll to the gym on Friday was met with a shining sun and plenty of people enjoying the sparkling, tiled beauty of the Field House’s pool from their lounge chairs. I promised myself a trip to the pool (with my reading, of course) after a quick workout.

An hour and half later, giving off the pungent tropical fumes of Banana Boat sunscreen (safety first!), I was shocked to discover that the sun was slowly sinking below the horizon. I hurried down the stairs inside the gym and then up the stairs to the pool—I don’t understand why the field house doesn’t just let us go straight out to the pool without the vertical maze of steps—and saw my worst fears confirmed. The only spots left were on the lawn under some trees...I would be confined to the shadowy areas. What good is the pool if you can’t get some sunshine?

As I spread my towel on the lawn, I prayed that none of the dew from the grass would soak through. The shadows lengthened as I re-read some Hobbes (a section of reading I’d already been assigned three times since coming to Scripps). Since my dreams of perfect sun- soaked hours by the pool had been dashed, I decided to give an actual dip in the pool a try. Much to my chagrin, I found that the slight warmth found in the water and sunshine gave way to trembling and shivers with the slightest breeze. The water was warm, yes, but it didn’t give me that toasty sun-baked feeling I had craved. It was almost as if the pool was there to cool me off, rather than keep me warm. I regretted the entire trip.

Shivering, I contemplated for the thousandth time the fatal flaw of the Sallie Tiernan Field house. No Jacuzzi.

We have a beautiful gym: new machines, weight room, free classes, resort style pool... Need I go on?

But let’s be real. How does Scripps expect us to relax our fatigued muscles without a spa? Why should I even try to enjoy that ludicrously expensive pool if I’m just going to be cold once I get out?

For now, I guess I’ll have to endure. I cling to my modest hope that, instead of allotting more money toward a new dorm or toward subsidizing our diplomas’ hefty pricetags, our wonderful education provider will channel funds toward a more pressing campus issue: a much-needed revamping of the pool area.

If you’re going to tease us with a resort-style pool, Scripps, you need to give us the full resort. Jacuzzi included.

It’s a tough life at Scripps, it really is.