The Golden Antlers

Compiled by: Elizabeth Lee and Kehau Jai ‘16

Staff Writers

Q: How long have you been around?

A: The website was founded on October 5th.

Q: How many members do you have?

A: We currently have seven recurring staff members, nine guest writers, four contributing editors,one graphic artist, and an estimated million bajillion dedicated readers.

golden antlers
golden antlers

Q: How can people become a part of your group, and what made you join?

A: We ALWAYS accept applications via the “Join Our Staff” section of our website and we welcome guest article submissions at thegoldenstag@gmail.com.

Q: When/how often and where do you perform/publish?

A: We publish anywhere from one to seven times a week and every single article is pure gold.

Q: What makes your group so especially funny and unique? What comedy niche do you fill at CUC?

A: It’s a common misconception that The Golden Antlers is a satirical publication, in fact we take things very seriously. We pride ourselves on being the most serious publication at the 5C’s. (Here’s lookin’ at you TSL!)

Q: What is one word you could use to describe your group?

A: Golden.

Q: What kind of humor do you find provokes the most successful response from college students? What does this say about us, or why do you think that is?

A: Dick jokes, feminist-hating, swear words that would make your mother blush, and posts with the fewest number of words always get the most views - by a lot. No matter how smart you think you are, these numbers don’t lie. We write at a third-grade reading level so even the dullest of CMC jocks can understand our humor; some of our posts are border-line picture books.

Q: What is off limits?

A: The CMS Football team. Other than that, it’s basically a free for all.

Q: What is the greatest struggle that comedians, in general, often face?

A: I personally have no faults, but based on my role as Editor-in-Chief, it seems the greatest struggles that my comedian-writers face are grammar and spelling. Next year Golden Antlers staffers will be forced to attend remedial English grammar courses at the local Pomona Elementary School.

Q: Is laughter truly the “best medicine”, or is there another, perhaps darker, side to humor?

A: In the case of The Golden Antlers, laughter might be the best poison. We offend, on average, at least nine parties per paragraph in each article. An estimated 87 percent of readers cannot visit our website without weeping excessively and/or feeling that with each successive day they get closer and closer to a black lonely abyss that swallows them up until everyone they love forgets about them.

Q: What is the ultimate secret to making something funny?

A: Taking things way too far. (But not way wayyy to far. You should see the articles we DON’T publish.)

Q: What’s the best joke you’ve got in your back pocket?

A: The CMC Forum.