Pandora's Box: The ditty on the doody

Anonymous Everybody poops. But does everybody appreciate it? This issue, I’d like to invite all of you to open your eyes and anuses to the wonders of coprophilia: the magical mentality linking feces and sexual arousal. Contrary to popular understanding, such a fetish goes beyond the mere act of defecating on someone; attraction to the smell, taste, texture, or sight of feces as a primary means of arousal and gratification, alone or with a partner, constitutes coprophilia. Before diving into the history of this practice, I’d like to clarify that coprophilia is a legitimate sexual preference with a solid following. I encourage you to receive coprophilia as you would any other fetish: as long as consent is in the mix, scat away!

So here is my attempt to open up a historically taboo subject. Through some intriguing research, I’ve learned that coprophilia can be celebrated in many ways. While some prefer to witness from a distance, others like to get down and dirty with the feces. Without getting too graphic, coprophiles have testified to lathering themselves in, handling, and consuming poop. One male online user has recommended using scat as a form of lube when masturbating, also mentioning that the allure of coprophilia stems from the fetish’s intimate and illicit asspects.

Though the coprophile community remains pretty anonymous on the web, there are some well-known figures who have been revealed to enjoy scat sex behind closed doors. Wolfgang Amadeus Mozart, famous for his Piano Concertos, also wrote a delectable tune called “Lick My Ass Nicely,” a party ballad composed of the lyrics:

“Lick my ass nicely,

lick it nice and clean,

nice and clean, lick my ass.

That’s a greasy desire,

nicely buttered,

like the licking of roast meat, my daily activity.

Three will lick more than two,

come on, just try it,

and lick, lick, lick.

Everybody lick his own ass himself.”

Also joining the coprophilia club is Germany’s own Adolf Hitler, whose neice, Geli Raubal, asserts the former dictator required her to squat over him so he could see all up in her sphincter. Even my modern-day queen, Nicki Minaj, has alluded to sexual poop pleasures as evident in her song “Did It On ‘Em,” when the female emcee repeats the title line between verses asserting her dominance over her partner.

In short, coprophilia ain’t no thang. Sing it loud, sing it proud, and in the words of Onika Tanya Maraj, “P-p-p-put your number twos in the air if you did it on ‘em.”