"What Does 'Hookup' Even Mean???"

By Sophia Rosenthal '17
Sex Columnist

I don’t want this relationship to become stagnant. So let’s spice things up and do something a little different this week, shall we?

There have been lots of thoughts and discussions regarding hookup culture after last issue’s article (...at least there have been between me and the two other people I know…) and it’s a conversation worth continuing. And how do you keep a conversation going? By asking questions of course! (All you guys out there who love to play 20 Questions, I’m looking at you. Use that winky face one more time. Do it. I dare you.)

So here totally honest, totally subjective questions that I, personally, would like to offer the universe and anyone else who happens to think about these things (I know you’re out there and we’ve got to stick together).

This might be weird. But I am a strong believer that sometimes one must pass through the valley of the weird and awkward in order to reach the beautiful mountains of possibility on the other side (I don’t have a comment funny enough to apologize sufficiently for that sentence).
Let’s do this:

Why is communication in general so complicated?

Or in simpler terms, why in-the-name of-all-that-is-friendly-and-decent do people not text you back? Okay that sounds passive aggressive, but apparently it’s an actual problem and possibly an epidemic; this has been the hot button issue lately among many of the two people I know. I don’t mean in “he/she/they are just not that into you” terms, I’m talking about when on a common sense, completely objective level, you know the other person would totally get with you, and yet ignore/flee in terror from a simple “hey.”

What the heck does ‘hookup’ mean and why do we/I keep using it?

This is the obvious question, but for real. I’m tired of having to ask “okayyy so you made out and…?”

Why do we (for the most part) only approach people we’re attracted to when we’re not-completely-sober?

There are dozens of exceptions to this of course, but we’ve all known (or known-someone-who-knew) that person that’s all friendly and engaging and flirty on Thursday night, and then in the light of day is all “yes, hi, how are you ugh yes me too I have so much homework we all have so much homework.” And we’ve all been (or known someone who has been) that person that’s happily tipsy and confident as hell and basically making the whole world fall in love with you--and then at Sunday brunch you’re like “hi! I’m not awkward! This will not be awkward! Is it awkward yet? Why does it have to be awkward?” and all of a sudden become super fascinated with your orange juice glass.

Does anyone actually use Tinder to hookup?

I don’t mean that one time you meet up with someone for coffee and they’re not completely awful and so you end up making out in a parking garage. I definitely don’t mean that. I mean does anyone say to themselves, “ah yes. I would like to interact sexually,” go on Tinder, and actually hookup with a match. Does that happen? Seriously? I want to know. I want stories. Tell me.

Why is “hooking up” seen as a game?

I know it’s called “scoring” for a reason, but why does going out often feel like a predator/prey situation? There are always those guys at parties or bars who seem to think they’re being super clever about trying to pick up women, and I’m always left wondering (besides “on what planet is that considered subtlety”), why do they need to be clever in the first place?! If “being yourself” isn’t good enough then go pick up a self-help book or five and work on that for goodness sake. And to be fair, there are plenty of nights where friends and I have gotten dressed up and gone out like we’re a pride of lionesses on the hunt. Of course I have no intention of changing that, but again...why?!

I have more. But I’ll save them so I have something to talk about on the weekends with drunk people who probably don’t care.

Okay, your turn. Ask any question. Just don’t use a winky face.