As of last week, we have officially been “in college” for an entire month now. I know, I know, hold your applause; we have accomplished the impossible with grace and aplomb. I understand how impressed you are. Since the function of this section is to give an in-depth review of the true first-year experience, it is thus my duty as your friendly neighborhood staff writer to relay to you the top ten things that I have learned during my first four weeks of school.